i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
