Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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