Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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