Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
