It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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