I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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