is your mom at the bar?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
