What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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