okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
