She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
