He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
