wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
