Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
