Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
