Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
