Please, let me fuck your mom
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
