Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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