I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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