wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
