i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
