did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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