Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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