**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
nutella sex= disaster
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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