and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
