you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
