Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
