Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
