Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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