She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
