btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
