paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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