Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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