my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
