So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
