Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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