Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
