I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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