oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
