oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
