So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
