Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
