Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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