Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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