It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
