i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
