i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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