Your dad touched me again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
