Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
