Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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