i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
