apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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